Rules? Whachoo Talkin 'Bout
16. Rules cause bitterness because people’s consciences make them want to blame someone other than themselves.
Genesis 37:12ff. Joseph’s brothers were bitter at him because they were not only out of favor with their father through no fault of their own (unlike Joseph) but were also living lives that were displeasing to their father. This is a whole different lesson on parental mistakes. Their father’s unreasonable displeasure with them caused them to give him exactly what he sought. They were bitter because they had a guilty conscience.
Two more examples are found in the early chapters of Genesis. Consider:
It is a lot easier to blame someone else than it is to accept the responsibility for our own rebellion. If you blame others, you will soon realize that you have nothing that you are able to fix. You can’t fix the other person. If you accept responsibility for disobeying the rule, than you can fix your own problems.
Genesis 3:“9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? 10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. 11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? 12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. 13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.” In this passage, both Adam and Eve blamed someone else for their problems. This was because they were feeling defensive because of their own guilt.
Genesis 4:“5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. 6 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? 7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him. 8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. 9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?” Cain had a smart-aleck response to God because of his own guilt. The problem was not the rules, but rather Cain’s wicked heart.
17. Rules cause rebellion when there is no relationship established.
Ephesians 6:“1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
Hebrews 12:“10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.”
Proverbs 29:“15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”
If you have no relationship with a person because it’s not your business, I would definitely advise you not to confront. I have seen much damage done by people who take it upon themselves to reign a young-person back in, and mean well in doing so. But they failed to realize the young-person is resenting their intervention because it has nothing to do with them and they have no established relationship with the young-person. If there is a very strong relationship, I have seen people intervene and
Often more is accomplished by pulling someone close and talking them through a problem than by “grinding their nose” against the mill stone of the law. Let me be clear, though I believe there are times to confront with a stern approach (and there are abundant examples in the Bible of this: Peter with Ananias and Sapphira; Moses making the children of Israel making them drink the ground up Golden calf, etc.) However, I believe there are often times that lasting teaching and training can be carefully done by a wise parent, teacher or youth pastor gently (maybe even firmly) appealing to the connection of their relationship.
The practical advice I would give here would not be to overlook the wrong doing until you have a relationship built, but to focus on building that relationship in the mean time.
You could always appeal for help to someone who does have that relationship with them.
Pastor Hobbins' Blog 